The Muppets Give Their Thoughts on the IATSE Strike
It’s been a few weeks since the International Alliance of Theatrical Stage Employees called for a strike for safer working conditions and shorter working hours to allow for proper rest. This put producers in the position of trying to find replacement, though less talented, crews to keep production going. In some cases, production has stopped entirely. I had a chance to sit down with some of the biggest names in show business to get some perspectives on what this strike means for the current state of the entertainment industry, and what changes can be expected going forward if the union demands are met.
The Muppets recently paused production on their upcoming film The Muppets Scale the Matterhorn: following the success of Muppets Haunted Mansion, they decided to stage a film around another Disneyland ride: Matterhorn Bobsleds. The details about it are being kept secret, but they did tell me that this is an adventure-survival film, and the audience can expect to leave the theater not knowing exactly what Gonzo is, but that he does taste like chicken.
I’m joined by the Muppets for a round table discussion about production safety, minus Swedish Chef. It was deemed inappropriate that he be there considering last week he offered lunch to the crew, and between not checking allergy information and putting nails in the enchiladas he made, several crew members ended up in the hospital with anaphylactic shock, internal bleeding, or both. He is one of the workplace hazards they’re fighting to get removed. Scooter is the acting representative for the IATSE.
As the executive producer of all Muppet endeavors, Kermit the Frog starts the conversation expressing strong support for the strike. “Of course we support the strike. We want to keep our crews safe, and all workers should be able to bargain for better working conditions.” Before everyone had sat down for the meeting, he made a comment to me about hoping that this strike doesn’t inspire The Muppets to unionize because “most of their stunts go against workplace safety laws.” Off the record.
Miss Piggy chimes in to not exactly express support for the strike, but more for the fact that the crew members just weren’t there. “They call me mean names behind my back. The crew knows me by titles like ‘Pork Belly,’ ‘Bacon Grease’ — a very rude dig at my adult acne, or ‘Dinner.’ I found out about this after berating one of my dressing room assistants for leaving a Wendy’s Baconator Sandwich on my seat and she muttered one of the names under her breath. I found out the rest of them by threatening to curb stomp her teeth on my makeup counter.”
“Piggy, it was probably an accident.” Scooter’s voice is heard chiming in, as he furiously scribbles notes down on what she’s saying, assumedly to use this as a confession to bring to Human Resources.
“Scooter, it was intentional. A Baconator? You would’ve done the same thing.” Miss Piggy’s retort is met with silence.
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew brings in another perspective: “I think it’s good that they aren’t here as well. Now Beaker and I can do the experiments we want without anybody complaining that they’re ‘too dangerous.’” Beaker doesn’t respond. He can’t. He and Honeydew are in the middle of an experimental vocal cord graft between Beaker and a frog in an effort to change his “meeps” to a much more pleasant baritone croak.
Gonzo agrees.
Scooter’s voice is heard again: “As long as we’re on the topic of dangerous stunts in the workplace, I should bring up some of the things we’re hoping to bargain for. Crazy Harry’s ‘craft projects’ have blown off several of the crew members’ limbs. He should be classified as a workplace hazard and removed. We’re also asking for proper health insurance because the replacement limbs that were built for them by Beaker and Honeydew during a show segment are prone to spasms of electricity, or more explosions.”
Gonzo is getting up to leave, saying that he needs to check on his chicken girlfriends.
“Gonzo, you need to let your chicken girlfriends out into the wild,” Scooter is saying. “It’s not safe for the crew to be around them because you feed them so infrequently that they’ve developed a taste for human meat. And can someone please find a way to get Statler and Waldorf vaccinated? They don’t have any of their shots. At all. Sure, a COVID outbreak would be bad, but a polio outbreak would be disastrous for the show. As long as they won’t get their vaccines, we are all in danger of ending up in an iron lung.”
Kermit the Frog is now standing to speak, obviously shaken by these new demands. “Wait, if we get rid of all of these things that make The Muppet Show so great, what are we left with? Just Fozzie Bear doing stand up comedy under fluorescent lighting. Do we really want that?”
“Yes!” Says Fozzie Bear from his chair in the corner. He’s not allowed to sit at the adults table.
“No!” say all other Muppets present. “No on the strike!” They get up to fill the backstage positions of their striking crew members and resume filming on their movie. After seven minutes, the round table discussion is done. Although it ended in opposition to the IATSE strike, they made more of a case for workplace protection than they realized.
